Saturday, May 01, 2010 - Day 1

When I woke up (at about 8-ish), I woke up to music, but sadly it was just the alarm in the hotel of a music station I did not know. Unfortunately I was unable to change the station to something I might like since it was just a need to wake me up and music is on the no-no list. Music… are you serious? Of all things, why take my most cherished pleasure away?

We went to the restaurant in the hotel for breakfast and again, there was music and the TV was on. I tried to enjoy this loop hole but again, I had to listen to what they had on and not something I would like to have heard or watched. I guess it is always like that when you go into a restaurant or bar, but I never noticed it until now. It can be quite annoying to hear something that you wish you could change but cannot. My friend texted me and I replied back letting her know about my project. She insisted that she could text me and all I had to do was not text her back. I’m not sure if that was a loop hole but I let it happen anyway.

I think the worst part about this project is that YOU KNOW you can’t do the things you normally do, and it’s so hard to ignore this idea and think of something else to entertain yourself with.

When we got back to the room to start packing our things, one of the people I was traveling with turned on the TV. They did know that I was not allowed this pleasure today… but it seemed they had forgotten but I did not say anything to instruct them not to. Half way through the show, as I tried not to watch, glancing in my peripheral vision once and a while, they realized my discomfort and asked if they needed to turn it off. I waved it off, and said it was ok secretly saying in my head “please keep it on!” It has only been 4 hours into this project and I’m already feeling the itch to put in my head phones for the sweet sounds of my favorite band, jump on my laptop to check my social networks or play a game on my PSP. I’m already starting to see the cruelty in this project and how much I need these fruitless things in my life.

On the way home from Houston, the radio was off, and we sat in silence as I drove. We started to talk and then that shortly gave in. Finally 21 questions was brought into the sad drive home and then a game of celebrity movie match ups (which is a game of matching a movie with a celebrity and then getting someone else out of that movie and connecting them with another movie and so on). The drive turned out to be fun after all and I learned a great deal about my knowledge of celebrities and the movies they play in.

Finally I got home to an empty house, and of course the first thing I think about is turning on the TV. I stopped myself luckily and I used that precious TV time to unpack my things. I think silence does not go well with me. I found myself getting lost in nothing and wondering why I’m sitting around feeling useless. I knew I would have some time on my hands from not being able to do my usual but not this much! I know I could use it to clean or do something other than what I want to do but I really, REALLY want to do something I can’t do.

My boyfriend came home finally before the remote got the best of me and he already knew of my project and told me he would try to stick with me through it. That did not last long when some friends came by to have some drinks and play some beer pong. I took this as a party so I allowed myself the pleasure of enjoying some music (but it was my boyfriend’s music which is about the same as going to a restaurant…no chance of changing it). This is harder than I thought. Drinking seems to be good way out of this cruel academic project. If I drink enough, maybe I will have a hangover the next day and just sleep. Never would wish that upon myself until now. I must be quite desperate. These 48 hours are really dragging. :(